1.1 : Mothera Is Not the Scariest Bug on Earth.

traveling collage1
{on the MAXtrain at 4:30 a.m. on the way to the airport, already wearing my airplane socks}

My backpack weighs 42.8 pounds. That is 2 pounds more than Eli's backpack, and his has a tent in it. I don't know how this happened! Actually, that's a lie. It's the hair products. I brought 6 of them. I opted not to waste my trip styling my hair so I though maybe I could get away from looking like the uno-bomber if I just used the right product. I've got pounds of bumble & bumble in my backpack. But this was practical, and necessary to ward off my biggest fear about being in South America: Head lice.

For those of you who know me in real life you know that my curly, kinky, thick hair is a virtual luxury condo for critters-of-the-coif. For those of you who don't know me, please picture a brillow pad - clown wig hybrid. {or click HERE for a picture}. If i get head lice I will have to shave my head, because they will never leave, and I will not look nearly as hot as Natalie Portman.

Now, as a person who generally tries to "do no harm" and does things like saving spiders in the shower I do briefly consider the potentials of bad karma from the insect carnage that will need to occur to keep the bugs at bay, but I draw the line at parasites. I'm sorry, I do.

So I'm treating this offensively and made two phone calls to some experts (1) an exterminator and (2) a barber.

Phone call #1:
T: Hello, Terminix
S: Hi, can you give me any tips on ... say ... preventing head lice?
T: Do you currently have head lice? Do you need fumigation services?
S: Well no. I'm looking more at prevention.
T: Mam, unless you have an ant infestation in your body or a wasp nest in your hair I suggest you call someone else
click.

Luckily my roomates have a friend named Bart who is a fifth generation barber
Phone call #2:
S: Bart have you ever had a client with head lice?
T: Oh yah. Man! One time I had this lady, in barber school, who wanted a perm and I parted her hair and it was like turning a light on cock roaches. Hundreds of sesame shaped bugs went scurrying!
S: (gagging) what did you do?
T: Showed my teacher!
S: Well how did you fix it?
T: I didn't! I sent her home. And she was pissed we didn't give her that perm.
S: So how can I keep from turning out like Lady Larvae?
T: Bring your own pillow case, and use tea-tree shampoo. They hate that stuff.

So I splurged a little on some Paul Mitchell, found a bar of Tea-Tree soap at Saturday market and also, thanks to extended time in the Fred Meyers insect repellent isle (which is very small due to the fact bugs can't even fly around in Oregon in the winter because it rains so often) found a bed spray that kills ticks, lice, and bedbugs

And in the event I have a problem with wasps or ants I do know who to call.
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4 comments:

  1. good luck and have fun! I work at an elementary school and have a fear of lice as well. you never know where those little critters will come from. no cases to report yet this year {knock on wood}

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  2. OMG i love you so much. and this is exactly why. it is exactly why we are soul mates haha. i think you made my day.

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  3. hahahahah that was hilarious! I can't wait to read more...

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  4. sammy i hope you and e have SO much fun. and make sure those little suckers don't touch your AWESOME shammy towel. or fanny pack for that matter :)

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