on acceptance.

Over the weekend, I hung a set of coat hooks that I'd unscrewed from the wall in my Portland apartment. A silly thing to ship cross-country, really. They'd been laying in a cabinet since I got here, waiting for a free moment where I could tackle a second wave of projects after the move. When I saw them sitting there it reminded me of how they sat for so long - in the back of a drawer, waiting for my (then) boyfriend to hang them. 

A line from Maya Angelou came to me: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them." It's a life-lesson that I had always rejected. 

Because I know love is a transformative thing. People will surprise you, and they will surprise themselves. Yes, of course, it happens! But I'm starting to learn that is the exception, not the rule. And everywhere there are people waiting for - or waiting to be - this kind of exception. 

When I see them, I can only see myself; standing there, holding a set of coat hooks filled with a deep kind of disappointment that was completely disproportionate to the task itself. But it wasn't really about the hooks was it? It was about wanting to be right about him. More right than he was about himself.

And all I can think is Oh honey, if I could tell you just one thing. Stop waiting for someone to be anything other than who they told you they were. You'll be waiting for a long, long time. And, there's only hurt to be found in that kind of hoping. 

It's better to just buy the drill and get out the tape measure. Love is about acceptance. And it's time to accept that you have to hang those damn hooks yourself.


11 comments:

  1. This is so good. So well-said.

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  2. You know I'm a sucker for objects that trigger metaphors that trigger life lessons... Nailed it. (Pun intended.)

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  3. so well-said. but sometimes we're just too stubborn to accept that.

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  4. Nicely written, this reminds me of someone.

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  5. brilliant brilliant brilliant.

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  6. This is so true. This is one piece of advice my mom always gave me. She says "Camilla, you have to make sure you are able to love him at his worst, because it's likely that you'll see a lot of that over a lifetime."

    You're brilliant. Also, those hooks are pretty.

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  7. Preach it, sister. I met an old woman once, who smokes like a chimney and has a Betty Boop tattoo on her knee, who told me she doesn't need a man: "If I can't carry something, I'll put it on a rug and drag it myself." I have always loved that. You, of anyone I know, can drag that damn rug and hang those hooks yourself. I love you.

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  8. Oh, the collection of words is perfect.

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  9. So true. It doesn't make it easy knowing that it's true. But if I know anything, its that you can hang that coat rack just fine. Among so many other things!

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