on strength and letting go

In my second (ever) Yoga class, my teacher said something that struck me.

She said “Don’t make this about strength. Make this about letting go”.

It was a statement that was both so obvious and so profound. There I was, gritted teeth and tightened muscles. I was positively exhausting myself in a forward lunge, trying to resist the burning in my calves - struggling to keep myself upright.  But what I really needed was to let go. To stop trying to be strong, and to let gravity do that work.

It reminded me of my life. When I’m faced with a challenge, I try conquering it. I make lists, I explore possibilities, and I try to fix things myself. 

But, I’m beginning to learn – that despite what I think about strength being the solution to every problem – that there is work I cannot do. I can plan. Yes, I can exhaust myself planning for every possible outcome. But there really are times when what I need to do is wait. There is only so much searching one can do. It becomes futile if there's nothing to find.

I know I resist rather than letting go, rather than sinking into that uncomfortable place known as uncertainty. It’s so difficult to have faith that the future is working itself out ... in ways that I cannot foresee nor find if I  go searching myself. 

There is something to be said for gravity and the force that moves mountains with – or without – my strength. 

(photo) on film | Melanie in Big Sur, 2009