OR vs. MA

Last week, I did my taxes (this blog post is off to a thrilling start, huh?) Big shout-out to Edward, the Junior accounting major who helped me at the campus tax assistance office. I have so much respect for the kids who volunteer for that program, preparing taxes for free! they are real heroes. The office was packed with about 100 people for the four-hour appointment window, half of them international students and all of us overwhelmed. I left feeling really grateful and with a headache. I filed returns for both Oregon and Massachusetts and comparing these two question (about tax credits) gave me a laugh: 

Oregon:
Did you lose any livestock to wolves this year?

Massachusetts:
Are you currently restoring a historic home?

I have such love for both the states that I call home!

evidence.

as Katy Perry says: that's what you get for waking up in Vegas. 

(photos) on instagram, follow along! (username) SamShorey. 

Back-Woods and Back Home.

"If we leave tonight and drive fast enough

all our troubles will be just like us : long gone."

Carrie Underwood

I'm back from Yellowstone without a single bear bite! Mosquito bites - now that's another story. From wrist to shoulder on one of my arms I have fifty seven bites. And, I only counted the nebula the size of a silver dollar once.

If I did a full-body inventory it would surely reach into the triple digits.

Looking into the mirror for the first time in five days I discovered a really fun game. It's called zit or mosquito-bite? Another fun one I've been playing is called dirt or tan? 

The upside is that my boyfriend missed me so much that he has been willingly rubbing calamine lotion on my itchy spots. And since I itch all over, it's almost like a massage. 

Soon I'll share my pictures, memories and moments of clarity.

Life in the back-woods and life back at home is good.

(p.s.) nine home remedies for mosquito bites. (thanks, Lily!) 

off to Yellowstone National Park!

I'm on my way to Yellowstone National Park where I will be hiking five miles for five days with a 30lb backpack. Only 30 lbs! ( ... only? well that is feather-weight compared to the backpack that I carried to Argentina that weighed a whopping 48.2 lbs - 10 lbs of which was hair products. I guess all it takes is 1 month of misery to teach a very important lesson: just because it fits in your backpack doesn't mean you should bring it.)

Of course my Dad is having his usual meltdown about safety. This time it's not about drug lords - it's about bear maulings. He is pretty sure that by Thursday I will be sauteed in garlic and roasting over a rotisserie for some happy foodie bear family.  

"It's local and sustainable" the grizzlies will say "We can eat this one with out any damage to the overall population!"

But I'm not worried.  I'm just going to gently suggest they eat a salmon"Fish are full of Omega3s! A diet high in fatty acids can prevent heart disease. You don't want to eat me! I'm full of high fructose corn syrup. The only liquid I've had to drink in 3 months - besides tequila - is diet coke."
 
The bear will listen, if it knows whats good for it.
And if not, there's always the bear mace.   

(photo) bears in Yellowstone on Kodachrome film. Original source unknown, though I think it may be Dean Conger for National Geographic judging from a similar picture on the NatGeo Tumblr. 

On Packing a Lunch

This week I decided I was going to pack my own lunch for work. It's been a stiff competitor in the game I play with myself every morning called  "Five More Minutes of Sleep vs.  ______" ( Washing My Hair / Eating Breakfast / Picking Out Matching Shoes / Ect. ). It's been a test of will. It's made me nostalgic for the good old days.

My Mom hooked-it-up when it came to packing my lunch. I'm talking about four courses : a juice bag, sandwich, chips, and gushers. Five days a week. If I decided I didn't like something all it took was one word and I never saw it in my lunch again.

I don't like Pacific Cooler Capri Sun. It makes my throat itch.
I don't want apples, they turn brown and that is gr-ossss.

Cut the damn crusts off my sandwich Mom! (okay - I didn't say the word damn back then. That was artistic license to show that I was Varooka Salt status in the lunch department.)

I guess having your lunch packed for you is one of those things you don't appreciate till it's gone.

Like nap time. And, getting pushed around in a stroller when you get tired of walking after 3 blocks.

So this is my message to you - toddlers and school age children.

You don't know it yet, but you've got it made.

[ (1) on ektar 100iso film, with pentax k1000]

Well, Aren't You Sharp as a Tack

"You should start doing crossword puzzles. It's like exercise for the mind" my test-prep book said.

"Crosswords?" I replied "I'm a college graduate. This shouldn't be that hard."

That was on January 1st. And, I was humbled by 14 weeks of daily attempts and daily fails. I did pretty well most Mondays. On my 9th week I would have finished, if it wasn't for an 11-letter banking term. I can barely balance my checkbook.

But today, today was my day. A New York Times crossword puzzle made just for me.

 As a total sentimental sap, the 4 letter word for 'held on to' came easily (kept).

 And I'm a Harry Potter expert, an HPhd. So that 9 letter word for a villain was
as easy as v-o-l-d-e-m-o-r-t

Sure, it was the easiest day of the week.  But, for one Monday I am the champ. 

I am smart as that brainiac scribbling away in pen! I am as smart as everyone that buys their coffee at the downtown Starbucks and fills out a clue on the community crossword clipboard ... combined.

Don't Try This at Home

Everything always looks easier on t.v. Whether I am watching an Olympic ice-skater do a triple axel or watching Martha Stewart do a triple buttercream cake I invariably think 'Hey! I could do that'. I have a slightly delusional amount of self confidence when it comes to my general abilities.

For example, take a multi-layer rainbow cake {almost identical to this one of I am baker.} It's just a bunch of little cakes stacked up on top of eachother - super easy right? Well, patience and talent are two things I lack in the baking department, so poor Maya's birthday cake was a c o m p l e t e d i s a s t e r . That spoon in the foreground is acting as a buttress to keep it from collapsing.

I was humbled

PBRidiculously Cute

I woke up this morning, did the obligatory purse check to make sure that another miracle had occurred and I didn't lose my cellphone or wallet, and found 18 Pabst coasters in there.

Alcohol has the ability to make everything in my already overly-emotive world even more deserving of emphasis so ... when I spotted these at the bar it went something like this:

"oh my gosh look how CUTE these BABY ELEPHANTS drinking PABST ARE!!!! Look at that LITTLE GUY just putting his little truck in there, using his elephant hand to brace himself!!! Or that LITTLE BABY so CUTE just sitting on top of there chatting with his baby elephant pal!!!!"

Apparently, Pabst's guerilla art campaign is working out for both of us. Free art and creativity for them from little known artists ... free coasters and cuteness for me.

(1) eugene duane's 'Pink Elephants Go Home

Two Paths

We could have used these tourist lanes [via Cup of Jo] on the Mission Beach boardwalk. There was nothing more frustrating than trying to get to school when a group of kids in puka shells were walking down the street on spring break... or more embarrassing than trying to walk-of-shame home in the dawn hours before anyone wakes up and finding a family from utah.

Old Maid

unclear whether this photo was taken after a party or after a cougar mauling
circa 2007.

I used to be a bit of a party girl. For example: I had the bouncer at the Sandbar's personal phone number, cut the line no matter the night, and even got invited to the company employee open-bar christmas party.

Last night I was determined to revive this part of myself. After 2 1/2 hours worth of a 5-hour-energy-drink and a quarter of a cigarette I was ready to go. Got to the bar, ordered myself a double gray goose and soda {because, really, money is no object when I've had even a sip of alcohol. no no no this one is one me} and in the morning, after only 5 drinks in a six hour period, I felt like I had been hit by a truck.

Are you joking around? I used to drink 14 dollars worth of 2-dollar-you-call-its on any given Wednesday! Such is the case no longer. All I wanted to do was curl up next to my boyfriend, who is somewhere in Bolivia right now, and eat a fist-full of a extra strength Excedrin.

If my collegiate self could see me now she would say there is nothing glamorous about having a bedtime, Sam. And you want to know what I would tell her?
There is nothing glamorous about paying a cab to take you through tacobell either.

When I'm 64 : The Gray Hair Trend

Besides the interesting contradiction of a youth obsessed fashion world dying their hair to look like the cast of Golden Girls, I'm don't really 'get' this whole gray hair trend.

It was spotted on Tavi Gevinson of Style Rookie [via The Cut], and all over the models at Cheap Monday's fall 2010 show at Stockholm Fashion week [via Refinery29].

How come no one's giving any credit to Sisqo who originated this look back in 2000 with The Thong Song?

"I'm Sorry, we are out of Holiday Cheer"

"86 Holiday Cheer"

{* In the restaurant biz "86" is the phrase used when we run out of something.
we use this board to let the servers know when items are 86'ed and we are done serving it for the night}

We all started the day with smiling faces ...

mine with redlipstick and a big poofy side pony with a red ribbon! like at Garance Dore! and a red stripey cardigan, and a bright green circle scarf!

but something about dealing with holiday shoppers left this on our white-board by the end of the night...

Merry Christmas, especially to those of you at work like me!

"This Had to Have Ended Badly"

Sometimes Thursdays seem like the longest day of the week. Maybe it's the anticipation of the weekend? Maybe it's knowing you will be hung-over at school or work tomorrow thanks to Thirsty-Thursday activities?

Whatever it is, I hope this photo of my roommate Dana (edited 'football replay style') makes you laugh, and makes your Thursday through before you know it

Coffee Talk 7.13 : Making Love in a Coffee Shop

{Today's Episode: Making Love in a Coffee Shop}

G: "People want to do what they love. And it's not that hard. Find something you love, and go do it."

S: "I've been feeling that way about making love lately. Everything can be like that, not just .. you know .. it. So i started to make love all the time"

G: "Oh yah?"

S: "I made love to you over coffee this morning. I'm making love to this Whole Foods brown rice and tofu right now - and it is going to make love to my body. I made love to my bike. I made love to myself in Yoga class. And I'm going to make love to Art School today."

(image) the thinking tank

Coffee Talk 7.20 : How a Girl 'Cat-Calls'

G: "lets start cat calling guys"

S: "what would i yell at a guy? 'ey yo. wanna kiss and then lay in bed and talk all night?"

G: "I don't know!"

S: "baby! you look like you've got some flannels in your closet that i might look good in'

G: "you look like you've got cool taste in music that you might like to share"

S: "woo-wee, stud. Do you like to read?'

(image) Here Comes The Sun

Out of the Office for Coachella

This is an automated response from Samantha Shorey's secretary.

If you are calling about Kappa Alpha Theta's Mr. University or for information about her Honor's Thesis she is out of the office until Sunday.

She is busy dancing in the middle of the desert at the music festival Coachella to the likes of The Killers, Band of Horses, Fleet Foxes, Crookers, MSTRKRFT, TV on the Radio and MIA. 

If this is an emergency you can find her there - she will be wearing a pair of bright orange monarch fairy wings, a knitted bikini top, and a pair of black heart sunglasses.

thank you and have a nice day.

(photo: Taki Bibelas)

Where Everybody Knows Your Name

A Valentine for our favorite neighbors, The Sandbar. 

Overheard at USD III

The scene: Communcations Research Methods, MWF 1:25 - 2:20

Dr. Bowman: Does anyone have any announcements?
class: (silence)
Dr. Bowman: Anything interesting on the news?
student #1: Did anyone see that picture of Michael Phelps?
class: (yeahhhhhh!)
student #2: Can you image how hard Phelps hits? i mean, his lungs
student #3: Yah, and he eats like 6,000 calories a day. Can you image getting baked and eating 6,000 calories
student #4 (who looks incredibly stoned): That sounds about right.
Dr. Bowman: Okay. Moving on.

Riding My Bike to School

So, one of my (billion) New Year's Resolutions was to ride my bike more. Which was ultimately one of the more idiotic ideas I've ever had. In order to do this justice I should probably tell you that I don't have a road bike.

I have a beach cruiser.

A sea foam turquoise beach cruiser.
A  turquoise beach cruiser with a wicker basket.

A wicker basket that has bright pink polkadotted bows on it.

 
I ride a ...

A  turquoise beach cruiser with a pink polkadotted designer wicker basket with a matching pink bike bell.

Here are a list of things i probably should have considered:

(1) I have no idea how to get to school on a bike, so I had to ride the way the cars ride
(2) There is probably a reason i have never seen anyone riding their bike to school
(3) That reason is: it requires you to ride on a freeway on-ramp.
(4) and cross 4 lanes of traffic
(5) People in san diego hate bike riders
(6) I'm really bad at riding a bike
(7) I only have 1 set of brakes

[image f: gossip girl. Exactly how I looked today, except I was on the highway]

may assist me with # 43 ...

[Mr. Boddington's Studio f: Organizing the District]