I'm on my way to Yellowstone National Park where I will be hiking five miles for five days with a 30lb backpack. Only 30 lbs! ( ... only? well that is feather-weight compared to the backpack that I carried to Argentina that weighed a whopping 48.2 lbs - 10 lbs of which was hair products. I guess all it takes is 1 month of misery to teach a very important lesson: just because it fits in your backpack doesn't mean you should bring it.)
Of course my Dad is having his usual meltdown about safety. This time it's not about drug lords - it's about bear maulings. He is pretty sure that by Thursday I will be sauteed in garlic and roasting over a rotisserie for some happy foodie bear family.
"It's local and sustainable" the grizzlies will say "We can eat this one with out any damage to the overall population!"
But I'm not worried. I'm just going to gently suggest they eat a salmon"Fish are full of Omega3s! A diet high in fatty acids can prevent heart disease. You don't want to eat me! I'm full of high fructose corn syrup. The only liquid I've had to drink in 3 months - besides tequila - is diet coke."
The bear will listen, if it knows whats good for it.
And if not, there's always the bear mace.
Of course my Dad is having his usual meltdown about safety. This time it's not about drug lords - it's about bear maulings. He is pretty sure that by Thursday I will be sauteed in garlic and roasting over a rotisserie for some happy foodie bear family.
"It's local and sustainable" the grizzlies will say "We can eat this one with out any damage to the overall population!"
But I'm not worried. I'm just going to gently suggest they eat a salmon"Fish are full of Omega3s! A diet high in fatty acids can prevent heart disease. You don't want to eat me! I'm full of high fructose corn syrup. The only liquid I've had to drink in 3 months - besides tequila - is diet coke."
The bear will listen, if it knows whats good for it.
And if not, there's always the bear mace.
(photo) bears in Yellowstone on Kodachrome film. Original source unknown, though I think it may be Dean Conger for National Geographic judging from a similar picture on the NatGeo Tumblr.
I miss you already! This post made me laugh so hard Sona got scared. I hope you watched that safety video.
ReplyDeleteI suggest you bring a pic-i-nic basket to hand over if they start to threaten you. Maybe it will distract them. :)
ReplyDeleteThis made me laugh. Bear maulings.
ReplyDeleteHave fun!